thirteen-year-old suburbia

written 19 March 2000 copyright © 2000-present James Sanghyun Han (a.k.a. steal this and DIE)


i had just been confirmed by the Catholic church when i was told i had terminal cancer
but that's okay
i'm a strong girl
and now i'm thirteen years old, bald from chemo, but a very good dancer

and have you ever noticed that when birds know they're about to die
they sing so sweetly at the top of their lungs
their voice goes up so high
their voice goes up so high

my mommy's sad
she cries every night when she thinks i can't hear
i don't know why she's upset
i tell her it's okay cause i'm not much of anything anyway

cause i'm a thirteen-year-old girl
i've been around for years since i've been confirmed and now i know i'm gonna stay
i won't be beat
i won't lose this world
even though it's not much of anything anyway

and have you ever noticed that when birds know they're about to die
they screech so shrill at the top of their lungs
their voice gets lost in the sky
their voice gets lost in the sky

my daddy's sad
he cries with my mother to make her think he really cares
i don't know why he's upset
i'm sure he'll find someone else's cunt to stick his fingers in

cause i'm a thirteen-year-old girl
i've been around for years since i've been confirmed
fuck you, god, cause i'm gonna stay
i won't be beat
i won't lose your world
cause it's not yours anymore anyway

and in five years you better let me go to the prom
even if i have to wear a turban cause my hair's all gone
and perhaps you can hear me up there
i know you can
but i know you never listen
cause now i have to get new meds and treatments

and have you ever noticed that when birds know they're about to die
they sing so sweetly at the top of their lungs
their voice goes up so high
their lungs get lost in the sky

cause i'm a thirteen-year-old girl
when i'm in church choir practice i don't sing that sweetly
i never screech shrill
cause i know i'm not gonna die
i don't care if now i'm in the hospital again
i know i'm not gonna die
i won't get lost in the sky

but somebody help me
somebody help me
i can hear my voice
it's going up so high
it's getting lost in the sky

maybe i'm gonna
no, i can't gonna
i won't gonna

wow... look at that sky


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