sometimes i'm an angel
grinning meekly at people who insult me
holding store doors open for people
people who are still five meters behind me (in more than one sense)
sometimes i get hyper, though
i get giddy and i want to go back to my old high school
find some middle-class, middle-aged, middle-of-the-road parents there
find them strolling around my old private high school's beautiful campus
go up to them and kindly inform them that their beloved son
the star of the football/tennis/swimming/debate team
has been sucking my cock every night after each one of his competitions
sometimes i want a bard
a curly-haired bard wearing just tight, faded jeans and a soft brown vest
a modern minstrel with cloudy eyes that brim over with gentle love
a smile spilling out in pleasure as i taste his body
and musician's fingers that touch me
play me
with the same skill that he uses on his other instruments
sometimes i crave a cad
a wild-eyed man with unkempt black hair
the rotting sweetness of alcohol on the tongue he'd invade my mouth with
sweaty hands spilling out with need as they clutch my ass
a beautiful creature in his simplicity
the simplicity of the-truth-of-simplicity
rutting over me with the single-mindedness of "nothing else is important"
sometimes i'm nothing and i want nothing
no man, no music, no feeling
but to run into the ocean at high noon and dance underwater
thrash my limbs in the liquid salt like a crazy hermit man
back and forth like the mechanism in a top-loading washing machine
feel the little silvery fishes kissing my legs
little silvery lovers with memories the length of three seconds or so
and sometimes i feel the need to tell about it all
and sometimes this is the result
(for "Seeing Red")