when i met you
you were just my namesake
you sparked my imagination/respect/laughter
and i wondered
but the realistic me interfered
he stopped my idle speculation
after all, you were just my namesake
but then you cried to me that night
so that night i fell into bed with you lodged in my thoughts
and in the morning there you were
lodged in my heart
and we did the verbal dance
gyrating together with so much subtleness that i vibrated
heart leaping as we tripped and stepped on each other's feet
my body tense as i breathed in your voice
consuming each word uttered by my namesake
and now
now i wonder till it hurts
i hurt cause i don't see you
i see you in fantasies at night
in them holding you so beautiful you hold me so beautiful
and now
before i fall asleep i turn to face in your general direction
what was once mere namesake now my mantra
permanently lodged in thoughts and heart
it's therefore a shock when i open my eyes and you're not in view
and now i feel vulnerable
i feel like an undeservedly lucky bastard
i feel myself feeling
and though i could resent you for opening me
i just get caught by you
i just want to complete you
i feel like such an unworthy captive
i fear disappointing you
i fear this is too little
i fear this is too much
yet i love every moment of it
so i tense and breathe in your general direction
and i feel till it hurts
and i close my eyes to conjure you
when i need you to hold me so beautiful
and i whisper my mantra
with so much subtleness that i vibrate
(for James)