two weeks and four days ago
you came home to me
i breathed you in for the first time and held you
and you held me for the first time and called me beautiful
and i didn't know whether to laugh or cry from happy overload
two weeks and three days ago
you napped on my bed like a lost child
you breathed in and out with your eyelashes dark on your cheek
and like a drunk i drank you in and thought you to be beautiful
and inside i laughed and cried cause i missed you already
then one week and six days ago
i realized how close i might have come to losing you
but with your hurt fingers you held me closer still
you made me laugh even though i'd been crying like the lost child i was
and when you said you still loved me i knew you to be beautiful
yet now in three days time (three weeks total)
you will leave my home/hold and i will be lost once more
pathetically breathing in the trace scents you'll have left on my sheets
vainly drinking in only the memory of your beauty
and the only laughter that might break my crying will be of a hysterical nature
even so
in three days time i'll try to be strong
i'll attempt to laugh though i know i'll cry
i'll hand you this poem written out on binder paper
cause i know i'll be too busy clinging to your body
(clinging and struggling with every nerve in my body to not break down and beg you to stay)
for me to be able to tell you all this face-to-face with any semblance of coherence
besides
in some day's time i'll see you again
i'll run home to your hold/arms and breathe you in
i'll hold you safe and laugh and cry
i'll press your body to mine and i'll feel your heart pulsing
and i'll call you beautiful and drink you in
but
some day's time better come soon
cause though i'm strong you are my weakness
you are my breath and my drink and you're why i laugh instead of cry
(and right now you sleep in my bed as i sit awake writing this)
so thank you so much for three weeks of your beautiful
be well for me
laugh for me and call me if you need to cry
keep yourself safe for me
and just hurry back home to my arms, okay?
i love you
(for James)