you know
the images and the scents
(which i perceive more by feeling than by actual visualizing-smelling)
that are whirling in my head right now
are the residues of my recall
imprints seared into my brain from the night i met you
all the seagull footprints you left in my sand before flying away again
sometimes i have to clench my fist against the feel of it
yet when i do i remember how it was like to hold you
remember the gentle warmth of your body within my arms
remember the softness of the face that i ran my fingers along
and i unclench my fist
cause wrapping my fingers around nothingness makes it worse
i know
i know
i really should be grateful
i'm tired of my pathetic/whining drone
and if i was you i'd be sick of this too
but i can't stop myself
you bring me to the point of can't-speak
you made me upside-down and turned me dyslexic:
and so i obologize for being such an apsessive freak
(did you know i worship Alex Graham Bell whenever we talk on the phone?)
you even give me writer's block
melting my carefully worded thoughts into obsessive ranting
verbal precision into a something-mass of wordless feeling
a something i can't expound on with mere fingers clenched around a pen
a something i won't be able to properly express till i see you again
but it's okay
the feelings and residues that you've seared into my brain
they're whirling in my head right now
and though the conjuring of them hurts me
the thought of them sustains me
so don't worry about me
i just want to obologize for my apsessiveness
i just hope you remember how it was like when i held you
that you remember the gentle warmth of my arms around your body
remember the softness of my touch as i ran my fingers along your face
i hope i've left footprints of my own for you to perceive more with feeling
and when i clench my arms around your body when i see you next
clenched tight around your body as if to keep you from flying away again
i hope you'll let me tell you everthing verbal precision couldn't properly express
(for James)