to the brim

written 13 October 2003 copyright © 2003-present James Sanghyun Han (a.k.a. steal this and DIE)


whether it's cause there's excess
or it's a side effect from holding in tears

i feel like there's too much i have to say to you
like a dam where all the cement is strained

so much i have to show to you
to give and do and release from its stores

and i want to open the floodgates more than anything
but i know you'd run further if you thought you'd have to swim

so i hold the cracks shut with both hands and my whole body
and the bolts i can hear them shrieking as you look up from below

your distance-absence is like the spring thaw
melting my strength and filling me to my brim

and under the harsh rays illuminating my new lack
fresh, bracing optimism converts into lukewarm mud

and the waves slop over the edge
and the cracks grow long and wide

and i cry out in despair as the jets blast between my fingers
and my last thought as i fall and sink into the wet

is that i want to be washed over to you

that we can embrace under the eddys
and take solace in the midst of all the turbulence

surrounded by cold
but warm, as we hold each other tight

(Ran-chan ni)


Autobiographical Fun
Ganymede's Library
Ganymede's Palace