a letter from the big dipper
written 28-29 August 2005 copyright © 2005-present James Sanghyun Han (a.k.a. steal this and DIE)
| at moments you were John Cusack at others Ralph Fiennes alternating between soft curve-edges rounded off and angularly sharp many times i saw vulnerability but then you would smile and your tight-wide eyes skittish like fishes and stars would loosen as Paul McCartney shone through and every night after work under a dark emulsion of constellations and smog i drove home impossibly fast down the hard black curves that led me to you and all your faces taking the freeway exit with tires squealing in protest cause to see you a minute earlier was pure heaven and when we were still in the phase of setting our skies on fire many nights i'd come home to a conjunction an alignment of emotions and sometimes of more my moon under your tongue your big dipper in my mouth and the stars were feeble compared to our pure heaven but then many nights i began coming home to oblivion stepping inside from the world to find a frigid vacuum your body orbiting around a cold new sun your soft edges and angularities distant and in shadow big dipper below the horizon so tonight i drive home slow like a hearse westbound on the freeway three miles above the speed limit and i near the very exit that i so ache to take i drive down the familiar curves and angularities that led me to you and though my body drives past my heart takes the exit and i could turn around and follow it i could call you and ask you to take good care of it when it gets to your door but my heart is lately fragile and interfering would do no good so until the curves are unfamiliar i continue westbound keeping the big dipper on my right uselessly heading for a hot sunset that sunk two hours ago sick from fright alone in a dark emulsion of constellations and smog |