every time i make eye contact with you
stare into and retreat from those oozing gray-green eyes
it's a form of worship
just a form of you-worship
a useless worship
every damn time you smile
my heart fucking crashes into the wall
you see, when i think of you,
that little ol' heart of mine drinks too much
too much useless love that is
and then it drives under the influence
my friends tease me
they call me horrible
they ask why the hell i obsess over a guy i can't/won't have
they call me a typical teenage guy, feeling the summer hormones
they say i'm just lusting
but lust never inspired two corny poems in less than four weeks
and besides, i really like driving under the influence
every time you laugh
that cute male teenage laugh
i want to fucking cry
because it produces that lovely feeling called heart-wrenching
lovely the way a rose with thorns is lovely:
it smells so damn good you don't care if your fingers bleed
in fact i do cry
but my eyes never get wet in the process
it's just my usual way to worship
when i you-worship
and i think that sometimes you smile that damn smile
just to watch me crash
but to think that way would be egotistical of me
and at any rate:
i have a higher opinion of you than that
and every time i remind myself that you're nine weeks younger than me
not ten months older as i had thought before
it feels really weird
cause you're the one who plays my chaffeur
you're the one who knows what it's like to get drunk
you're the one who knows what it's like to donate blood
you're the asshole who remains unaffected while my life gets distorted and twisted
by this usual useless obsession
i'm not usually a potty mouth
and the rest of the words are really corny
but hey, they're a skinny dip into my obsessive mind
into waters that are roiling and seething with more than just summer hormones
every damn time
it's the usual thing and it's useless
and i think that sometimes you smile that damn smile
just to watch me crash
(for Mike B.)