The Reasons Why California Junior Classical League (CJCL) Board Meetings Are
Cool

(by Nick Feamster and James Han, written around 29 November 1995)

attending board meetings is cool because that way you can:

- come to acknowledge the naivete in running for office
- make attempts to converse with people's backs
- practice discretion when making cynical comments
- experience tyranny firsthand
- attempt to connect Latin with this club
- master the art of being interrupted
- attend three-hour meetings for two seconds of rejected input
- ponder writing a book titled "Shackles & Chains - Shickle's a Pain" on
  (in)efficiency
- learn the art of "BS-ing" officer reports
- kill time
- learn to predict the time of any meeting's end via the agenda
- desensitize your mind to the question: "why am I here?"
- remember how it was to be really offended
- interpret the acronym "JCL" in new ways
- perfect the art of opening-but-not-reading mail
- listen to board/bored members reminisce about Fresno
- experience stress when accomplishing nothing
- save money in order to experience vituperation
- perfect hand-mediated ice-dropping methods in the absence of ice tongs
- watch walking canes being put to use as handy alternatives to gavels
- test the authenticity of minuscule trophies
- learn to discern between scathing remarks and harmless jokes
- listen to criticisms of the region you represent
- keep the carpet company
- improve mental math by counting the number of times THE State Chair
  "disses" someone
- avoid as much "meeting" as possible by being unfashionably late
- experience euphoria from the adjournment of a board meeting
- reattach LAX rugs with high quality chewing gum
- go off on tangents concerning Congress
- watch your responsibilities dwindle
- think up new ideas so State Chairs can have fun rejecting them
- learn to bite the bullets of insult
- think about what you could be doing
- discover the joys of sacrifice
- receive criticism for having a life
- receive criticism for economical spending
- acquire reasons to split California
- experience the thrill of the grassy knoll
- exercise frowning muscles
- practice using mnemonic devices (e.g. "past that trash heap"), to find your
  way to board/bored meetings
- practice patience
- agonize over having lost a day
- work without purpose
- practice clock-watching abilities
- experience the "desert-dry" sense of humor
- strengthen hand-raising muscles
- learn how to be graceful when ignored
- learn to survive and communicate coherently on carbonated beverages
- acquire new knitting techniques from visual aids (State Chairs)
- watch sweat glands in action
- forget what recognition for work meant
- learn to deal with one-day weekends
- learn to how get your ideas axed BEFORE they get presented