by James Sanghyun Han (the self-appointed Tay Trefenwyd)

written Tuesday and Thursday, 24 and 26 November 1998 © (steal this and DIE ;P)

- -

*LMAO* I can't believe I'm writing this...

<begin setting>

In a posh neighborhood in the California Bay Area, in a posh mansion, is a posh, elegant dining room with a vaulted ceiling, where our characters sit.

There are two place settings right next to each other at the head of the table - Wil and Tay sit in front of them. Next to Tay, on the right side of the table, sits Mallenroh; next her sits Allanon; and next to the Druid sits Amberle. Next to Wil, on the left side of the table, sits the Reaper; next to the Reaper sits Eventine; next to Eventine sits Eretria.

Tay has on a simple dark blue apron over casual clothes. The Reaper and Allanon wear their usual robes but they also wear pilgrim hats made out of cheap paper on their heads. Mallenroh wears a turkey suit and fiddles with her tail every so often; Eretria is dressed like a Native American woman with a realistic looking assortment of weapons tucked into her uniform; and Amberle's outfit is rather Amish in appearance. Eventine and Wil wear Native American headdresses made by Wil out of construction paper and paste.

<end setting>

Tay: Well, now that I'm done cooking, let's eat! Your Highness, will you please carve the turkey?
Eventine: *rises, with his headdress quivering* I'd be honored. *picks up the knife*
Amberle: *turns slighty green when the knife enters the bird*
Eventine: Who's the oldest here?
*everyone stares at Allanon*
Allanon: *snorts* Don't look at me. *points to Mallenroh*
Eventine: Ah. *places a steaming, generous slice of breast meat on Mallenroh's plate*
Mallenroh: *stares at the meat and fidgets, her face glaring out from the hood of the turkey suit* I do not want this! This is not a pretty thing! Give me something better, Elven King, or I'll turn you into Microsoft Wisp Version 2.0!!!
Eventine: *ignores her and places a slice of turkey on Allanon's plate*
Allanon: *drools at the slice*
Tay: May I remind you, Witch -
Mallenroh: *stiffens* I prefer to be called Wiccan.
Tay: Whatever, but let me remind you that you're out of the Hollows and you don't have any powers to speak of. Try anything stupid and Allanon will toast you.
Allanon: *looks up from his plate* Hah? What did you say?
Tay: Forget it. Don't stand on ceremony everyone, once you get your food you can begin eating.
Mallenroh: *grumbles but eats anyway*
Eventine: And a slice of breast meat for you, honey?
Amberle: *turns even more green* Uhm, no thanks, no animal meat for me grandfather... I'll just have some of Tay's wonderful peas...
Tay: *gets up to serve Amberle some vegetables*
Eretria: *grins like a cat* Oh come come, sister Amberle, you're much too thin. Don't you think you need some more breast meat?
Amberle: *skin changes from green to red* Shut up! Grampa, she's being mean to me! Make her stop! WAAAAAH!
Eventine: That's nice, dear. *places a bunch of bone and gristle on the Reaper's plate*
Reaper: ... *begins eating, making loud crunching noises*
Tay: *sits back down* Wil, do you want some gravy on that?
Wil: *looks up with cranberry sauce on his nose* Yeah! Can I get some mashed potatoes too?
Tay: *uses a corner of the apron to wipe Wil's nose* Uhm, sure... You'll need the energy later tonight... *serves potatoes and gravy*
Wil: ALL RIGHT! *scarf scarf munch munch chew chew*
Reaper: ... *krrunch krrunch*
Tay: Heheh, so... How's the food, everyone?
Eretria: Just like mom used to make.
Tay: You wouldn't even remember your mom.
Eretria: That's the point.
Mallenroh: Well, it doesn't look like a pretty thing, but it does taste like a pretty thing. *daintily forks up some turkey*
Reaper: *stands up suddenly and hops about in his eerie silent fashion* *the pilgrim hat on his head slips to one side*
Eretria: What's with the Devil? Not that I care...
Allanon: *adjusts his own pilgrim hat with one hand, holding a huge drumstick in the other* I think he bit his tongue.

*later that night, at dinner*

Tay: Okay, who's ready for dessert?
Reaper: ... *looks up silently*
Wil: *jumps up and down in his chair* ME ME MEMEME!
Eventine: *groans* I can't eat another bite.
Amberle: Grandfather, you should have saved room. Tay got some great sparkling wine to go with dessert.
Eventine: *perks up at the mention of wine* Actually, I'm sure if I just let out a good and proper belch I'll have room for more...
Amberle: *eyes get round and big* Grampa, DON-
Eventine: *BUUURRRRRRP*
Allanon: *has the good sense to duck, being right across the table from Eventine*
Amberle: *is bright red* Good heavens, grandfather! What do you have to say for yourself?
Eventine: *grins* Tastes like chicken! Turkey, actually.
Eretria: *falls out of her chair laughing*
Amberle: *shouts through clenched teeth* GRAMPA!
Tay: Uhm, ANYway... *disappears into the kitchen and quickly comes out with a tray with eight glasses of bubbly and a pumpkin pie*
Wil: Me first! Me me me! ME ME ME ME-
Everyone except Tay: SHUT UP!
Wil: WAAAAAH!
Tay: *hands out the bubbly* Don't worry Wil, I'll make it up to you later.
Wil: *stops crying and grins, taking a sip from his glass*
Everyone except Wil and Tay: *stares at Tay*
Tay: What? *serves a slice of pie to both Mallenroh and Allanon*
Mallenroh: *sniffs the pie* Oh, this is a pretty thing!
Tay: Thanks. *serves Eretria*
Eretria: What the hell is this junk? You're a crappy cook, you know that?
Tay: *raises an eyebrow* Uh, yeah, whatever, you go ahead and preach it, sister. *serves Amberle, Eventine, and the Reaper* And the biggest slice is for Wil!
Wil: Yay!!! *grins like a brat at everyone else as he digs into his slice*
Allanon: *looks up with pie stuck to his short beard* No fair! How come he gets the big slice?
Tay: Cause he needs the energy later tonight.
Allanon: *sighs* I'm not hungry anymore.
Reaper: ... *silently holds out his plate for another slice, with pie bits stuck to his robes*
Tay: *laughs* Of course you can have some more. *dishes up pie*
Amberle: *finishes her slice* Tay, this is good, but got any other desserts? I feel like being a pig today.
Eretria: *snickers*
Amberle: *glares*
Tay: Yep! Hold on... *rushes into the kitchen and back out with a cart* I got six different fruit pies here, plus a great chocolate concoction my mom sent me. And more sparkling wine, of course! So everyone, help yourself to the sweets and the wine! I also have some great chocolate ice cream, but that's off limits.
Eventine: *hiccups from the wine* Off limits?
Tay: *makes a face* If you must know, it's for Wil and I... if you get the picture.
Eventine: *eyes widen and his hiccups grow more violent*

<begin end scene>

Later that night, the table is a complete mess. Eventine and Allanon are resting face down on the table, both snoring dreadfully in drunken sleep. When there is a pause in Eventine's snoring, Allanon lets out a mighty snore, and when Allanon's snoring pauses, Eventine snores. They make a lovely duet.

Mallenroh and the Reaper are also drunk, and they giggle and flirt with each other like twelve-year-olds. Amberle and Eretria are plastered off their butts, and they sit on the floor linked arm in arm each holding a wine bottle in their free hands. Tunelessly they sing the chorus to "I Could Never Be Your Woman" over and over.

Tay, Wil, and the tub of chocolate ice cream are nowhere to be seen.

<end of end scene>